Because some of this stuff doesn't have to happen. The age spots? Preventable. The chronic aching back? Preventable. If we could turn back the clock and take better care of ourselves, we would. And yet we can't (and would our young selves listen, anyway?) Will these pre-olds listen? Perhaps if we showed them photos of our lined and freckled decolletages, our spotty hands. Our monthly output for Advil and massage appointments, laser appointments to remove the age spots, therapy to deal with not dealing with problems when we were young.
Perhaps not. But we can try. Here are my suggestions for aging a bit more gracefully and happily than the rest of your friends. (Feel free to add your own suggestions in the comments.)
1. You know that dumb spoken song about using sunscreen? It's not dumb. It's so fucking true. Slather it not only on your face every day, but on the tops of your hands, your neck, your chest. Anywhere you don't want to be spotty and leathery one day.
2. In fact, any skin care you do for your face, do for those exact same areas, for they are exposed to the sun and elements the most, and end up looking the oldest. Thinking I'm being alarmist? Look at any old person naked. You will find that the parts of their body that have always been protected by clothing look young and supple, while their hands, necks, faces, shoulders, chests, look old. It's freaky.
So how awesome would it be if you protected your face with a hat (hey, they're fashionable!) and your chest with a scarf when in direct sunlight? You can still wear low-cut slut clothes (they are fun, I know) but just cover up a little when no one's actually looking.
3. Working out is good for you to a point, and I'm not talking to the couch potatoes, here, I'm talking to the gym rats, like me, who pound away in step classes and on machines, and with kettel bells and all of that high impact stuff, because you're young enough to get away with it, for now. And I'm here to say: STOP. Think twice about putting that much pressure and impact on joints and ligaments and body parts that have to last a lifetime.
Sure, you look great now, but you are going to hurt, all the time, later. Instead of waiting until you're fifty to stretch or do yoga, do it now. Try swimming instead of kick-boxing, biking instead of running, or at least running on grass instead of pavement. (A good walk is a good thing.) Do more reps with lighter weights instead of fewer reps with heavy weights. Long lean muscle is beautiful. Short bunchy muscle turns to flab when you get lazy, later. Truly. And you WILL get lazy later. Or too busy, or too stressed, to work out. Poll everyone you know over 30. Do they still work out religiously? Um . . . no. But they're going to, just as soon as they get less busy, less stressed out . . .
And did I mention the pain? All those little injuries you incur now come back to haunt you later, and there isn't enough ibuprofen in the world to make you feel the way you did pre-injury, pre-impact, pre-torn-cartilage and herniated disk.
4. Wear the most awesome revealing clothing you can, right now. Wear it all the time. Take lots of photos of yourself. Even if you think you look horrid now, save them. Do not delete! Tuck them away for a rainy day when you're 40 or 50 or 60, when you will realize how incredibly hot and gorgeous you were then.
5. Do not look at older people and think, "I'll never be like that." You will be like that. EXACTLY like that. No one gets out of this thing not getting old and decrepit unless they die young. And that sucks more.
6. Do not look at older people and think that they wish they were like you. They don't. They look at you and think, "Oh god, I remember being that young and dumb, and making really stupid mistakes, and not appreciating my youth, and thinking I knew everything." I'm not making this up. We are not saying it as sour grapes. We mean it. We like most of being old, just as you like most of being young.
7. Appreciate everything. Be thankful for the job you're fired from, because you will discover much better things down the road. Be thankful your parents and siblings and friends are still alive and with you, every day. Be thankful that some of your dreams crash and burn, because out of them, your real life emerges. Be thankful you have such a long lovely road in front of you to dream about. All of a sudden—after 20, 30, 40 years have passed—it will have all felt so fast.
8. Do what makes you happy. Whether it's a job, the place you live, the person you mate with, the group of friends you keep, make decisions based on what you love, not what you should do. The hardest thing to reconcile when you are no longer young are the years you let yourself be unhappy.